INTERNATIONAL BUSINESSMAN, DYSENTERY JOKE

What Up World!

We got the news this week that I have another 6 weeks here in the happiest place on earth, aka Cerro Verde. I was so happy to find out I didnt have a change. This area is the bee's knees, and the investigators we are teaching are also other cool parts of bees. But yeah, this week was pretty interesting. We had some swell lessons with some swell people, and the people we are teaching are progressing a ton. We are teaching Desire, the mom of a member, and she is seriously so cool. She is going to be baptized in the near future. Also, Mario, another swell gentleman, will be baptized this saturday if all goes as planned! He is one of the best people I have ever taught as far as being receptive goes. He has such a genuine desire to learn and follow Christ that it just makes it all so easy. He is the man. As far as cool or funny stories go, I have a few. This week, I tried my bargaining skills for the first time. There is a store here that sells american shoes, and Elder Merlos saw a pair of Nike's he really wanted. He was going to buy them, but I wanted to see if I could get them for cheap. There are no set prices here, so you can bargain all the day long if you are good at it. I figured 8 months of changing peoples minds about stuff would make me great at bargaining haha. The shoes were originally 1300 lempiras (65 dollars), but I promised Merlos I would get them for 1000 lempiras (50 dollars) and told him to not bring any more than that amount of money. I dont know why I went as far as to tell him to not even leave the house with extra money, but I was that confident. Walking up to the store I got SO nervous like I was about to rob a bank or something, but then I realized I was being irrational and was there to do a job. We walked in, went right to where we knew the shoes were, and I started prepping for the lady to come over. I kept doing breathing excersies and telling Merlos "Its go time son. Watch daddy go to work". The lady finally came over and was trying to sell us on the shoes, and I went in to bargaining mode. It seriously took like 45 seconds for me to get the price down to where I wanted it hahaha. It was kind of anticlimatic, but I felt cool. She was so against giving them to me that low, but I got all bargain-y on her and made her realize that it was the right thing to do. She even went as far as to call her husband (apparently the owner of the store. Or of her. Im not sure why she needed permission haha) and ask if it was ok. She comes back and said she would give them to me for 1000. NAILED IT. They were all so impressed with my bargaining skills and thought I was some international businessman from the good ole US of A. I just let them think that and we went on our way haha. These shoes cost like 95 bucks in the motherland, and we got them for 50. It was a great day in our lives. On to kind of a more personal part...but whatever haha. Its kind of gross, so just be forewarned. Ok, well. How do I put this. I have been having some...stomach issues, if you will, for like 2 weeks. That's kind of an extended period of time to be having this particular brand of stomach issues, so it has caught our attention. Well, funny story number 1 from this. We were talking to an investigator who asked if we ever get sick, being from the states, and Merlos and I looked at eachother and laughed, then explained that I was sick at the moment. Ok, whatever Im just going to say it, Im sick of thinking of pleasant ways to say it haha. Ive got diarrhea. Take me or leave me. I'm still a representative of Jesus Christ. I digress. I explained what I had, and like any good Honduran person, this lady told me what I needed to do fix myself. I thanked her for her help, but then she went on to say something even more interesting. After giving me the cure, she goes "As for me, I LOVE having diarrhea." I. Lost. It. With zero shame, this lady just straight up laid down the line about her love for diarrhea. She went as far as to say it "fascinates" her. I was crying from laughing so hard. She was like "no! im serious! It is great!" Probably the highlight of my week. Story Number Two: Us gringos pretty much just deal with diarrhea being here in Honduras. Its kind of just a thing sometimes. But, 2 weeks is a little bit too MUCH of a thing haha. We decided to call the nurse, and I just felt so weird about doing it that I had to like shield my embarrasment with humor. I didnt exactly feel comfortable calling a sister missionary (that I came from the MTC with) and telling her that my poop wasnt normal haha. Anyway, I called her, and I said "Hermana. I dont want to alarm you or anything, and keep in mind that I'm not a doctor, but based off of my years of experience playing the hit computer game 'Oregon Trail' and dealing with the loss of many computerized loved ones to this disease, I can confidently say that I think I am dying of dysentery." I succesfully avoided the awkwardness and was able to inch my way in to explaining my actual problem haha. She made me go to some clinic to do a stool sample (awkward), and it all came back good, so Mom you can stop worrying as I'm sure you are as you read this haha. I just ate something weird, and Im coming it of it as we speak. This would have killed a normal man. Really, I just said all of this personal information just so I could tell my dysentery joke haha. Stay classy world! 

Elder Shuga

WINNING ME OVER, RAIN, NAMER YOUR BABIES PEOPLE

Whats Up World!

Kind of an uneventful week. The area I am in like super safe and nothing crazy ever happens, hence why the emails are kind of lame. I guess that is a blessing and a curse. Blessing because I am not in danger, curse because it makes for lame story telling haha. I digress. We have spent this week just teaching our awesome investigators. We are teaching this lady, Patricia, who is just SUPER cool. She has been taking lessons with the Jehovah's Witnesses for like 2 years, but we stopped by and started talking to her, and now she wants to be baptized in our church at the end of this month. Way to be Patricia, way to be. We are also teaching her 20 year old neighbor, Miguel, who is SUPER cool. He tells us that he wants to be a missionary just like we are and is super receptive to all the things we teach him. He is so geniuinely interested in learning that it makes it so fun to teach him. His mom has always said that she is catholic and nothing will change that, but her son Miguel was never baptized and she wants to change that. Well, we have been teaching them both together, and invited them both to be baptized, and they both said yes! I asked her how she was feeling about baptism and all that stuff and she was like "well, at first, I didnt want anything to do with it but...you are winning me over" haha. The people we are teaching are seriously like teaching themselves. I love it. It rained like RIDICULOUSLY crazy this week. There were rivers in the streets and we were soaked. Twas quite the adventure. Oh, funny story. There is this member who just had her baby here in our area. When I first got here, she was like 6 months pregnant. She knew it was a girl, but she didnt have a name. So, for the past 3 months, I have been reffering to her unborn child as Kimberly, pretty much every day, in hopes that she will name it that. Why? 1. I dont know...I just have a connection to that name... and 2. I want to be able to say that I named a baby haha. So yeah, its been a three month long project that I thought was finally coming to an end, but no. She had her baby and she still hasnt decided on the name. Its been alive for like 3 days nameless, and I think that is just crazy. But then, the next day, I met a lady holding this baby who was like 7 months old, I asked what its name was, and THAT baby still didnt have a name either. She was like yeah "we just cant decide! There are so many choices!" What kind weird stuff is that? What do you address it as? Baby? Child? No Name Mcgee? I seriously dont get it. Name your babies people. Sorry this was a lame email haha. Better luck next week. Stay classy! 

Elder Shuga

PB+J HOMESICKNESS, 1/3 OF MY MORMON LIFE

Hello Motherland,
Im extremely homesick for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as I write this. I'm doing alright with the whole being away from loved ones thing, but I don't know if I can go another 16 months without constant PB & J's in my life. They like aren't a thing here. Isn't that weird? Talk about a difficult life. I digress. Twas quite the week here in Cerro Verde. Actually, I started the week AWAY from my stomping grounds and did divisions in another area. Let me tell you, I forgot Honduras had ghetto parts haha. I've been living a sheltered life. I snapped back to reality on Tuesday and went to an area called La Lopez. It brought me back to the memories of my first area. No roads, naked kids, breast feeding, fighting dogs, scary people, everything a wee little lad could ask for. It was super fun. It made me appreciate my area a lot more haha. Wednesday, I went back to my area and could have kissed those sweet, sweet streets. It's great. Not too much happened. We had to drop an investigator that just didn't want anything. It was quite the bummer because we have spent forever with them, and to have it end like that is frustrating. But life goes on. Thursday, I was kind of sick, so that wasn't cool, but I didn't die, so that IS cool. We are teaching a lady who owns a smoothie shop, and I think she has a crush on us or something, so she always gives us discounts. I can dig it. She makes a mean smoothie too. Good times. Friday, we had a multi zone conference with President Dester like all day long. That was pretty swell. We learned a lot and got to hang out with a bunch of people. Saturday we had some awesome lessons with some awesome people. It took forever, but alllll the people we are teaching right now are super cool and ready to be baptized. The only problem with one of them is that they have been talking with Jehovah's witnesses for like two years, and we are kind of just swooping in with the true gospel of Christ and baptizing her haha. She is taking lessons from us both right now, and has committed to baptism with us, but just doesn't want to be mean to the JW's, as she says haha. It is pretty funny. The other day, we passed her house and her door was open and I thought I saw her sitting there, so as we passed by I was like "Bye Hermana!!!!" like way loud and animated, but it turns out that it was one of the JW missionaries and she just GLARED at me like the devil sent me straight from the underworld to interrupt their lesson haha. They have been teaching her for almost 2 years and she hasn't done anything with them. Meanwhile, we come in the picture and 2 weeks later she has a baptismal date at the end of this month. That's how you do it haha. Sunday we had stake conference, and that was pretty nifty. People don't understand reverence here at all though, and we had to be on literally the last row, so I didn't hear anything. But I'm sure it was great! Haha. Well, that's pretty much it. Life is just dandy right now. Oh! Tomorrow is my 2 year Mormon birthday, per say. Crazy how time flies. Two years ago I was being baptized by a missionary, and tomorrow I have to give a 20 minute training to all the missionaries in our district on how we can more effectively prepare people for baptism. Quite the turn of the tables. Ive officially spent 1/3 of my Mormon life in full time missionary service, and I couldn't be happier. Stay classy folks.
Elder Shuga

LIKE A SORE THUMB, EXPLOSIVE VOMITING, EVANGELICAL LOLLAPALOOZA

Elder Shuga here. I really need a solid way to start these letters. Maybe next time. Yet another week gone by here in the good ole Cerro Verde. I'm pretty sure we walked roughly 1000 miles this week. Twas ridiculous. We have investigators in like every section of our gigantic area, so we have to go all over the place. It is quite the good problem to have though. As far as cool, interesting, radical stories go, I don't have many haha. We have just been teaching a bunch, I've been training Merlos like a mother bird teaches her young to fly, and all is well. We found some awesome new people this week that seem super interested in what we have to say, so that's been pretty cool. There has been this 3 day evangelical concert on the main street in our area, and it is seriously so crazy interesting. SO many people show up every night, and because it's on main street, we have passed through a bunch of times. Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb. But I loved it haha. I have never felt so out of place in my life, with all those people looking at us like weird outsiders haha. I take that back, I went to some mormon youth things with Kim before I got baptized where all the guys looked at me like that, and that was pretty weird for a young catholic lad like myself to have to go thorough, but I'm pretty sure it was just because I was with Kim and they weren't haha. It was seriously so funny though. Merlos felt super weird and just wanted to get through the crowd as fast as humanly possible, but I was just soaking in all the awkwardness coming from these people. They were going crazy dancing to their worship rock music, and like trying to rub it in our faces that they were worshiping or something haha I don't know, it was all just so weird haha. They would get louder as we walked by just to show how much they loved God or something, and we are just like yeah we get it, you love God. You show it by dancing like crazies while your church band is in town, and we show it by walking around your entire freaking town 9 hours a day teaching everyone you know the gospel, but to each their own haha. I really don't understand what motivates these people here to literally scream at the top of their lungs in "praises" and dancing like crazy people until they pass out. I've studied quite a bit here, and have yet to find anything in the scriptures like "And Jesus said unto them, let there be rock. And it came to pass that they partied like it was 1999". Its nowhere in doctrine or anything, they just like to party haha. Good times. Oh, one last crazy story. We went with the bishop and his wife to their neighbors house to teach this family. The husband of the family hadn't been feeling well, so we decided to just give a short message instead of a whole lesson. We were finishing up and the bishop was giving his testimony, and the husband gags, his cheeks puff out to their limit, and I'm just like "uh oh. Please don't barf on my bible" because he was holding it haha. He throws it on his wife's lap and sprints to the bathroom where he proceeds to vomit like its going out of style. It was seriously so crazy haha. Merlos and I just sat there, but the bishop and the two ladies started doing what all these people to do here, which is diagnose him and decide what he needs to do. According to them, he needed to drink lime juice or something to kill whatever demon was inside of him and a bunch of other stuff. The bishop says what he had was probably some certain type of sickness, but he couldn't think of the name, and his wife says "explosive vomiting?" like trying to help him out, and I LOST it. I busted out laughing, and they all just looked at me. I thought she was kidding with that answer, but I guess not hahaha. I tried to play it off like I was coughing or something, but it's hard to make hysterical laughter look like a cough haha. I felt bad, but it was seriously such a funny response to me for some reason. Sue me haha. He is all better now, for those of you who are worried. So yeah, those are pretty much the highlights! Evangelical lollapalooza and barf stories...what more could you ask for? The answer is nothing. You're welcome haha. Stay classy!
Elder Shuga

TOO MUCH FOOD, "I WAS SCARED", SICK OF EVERYONE BEING SICK

It feels like yesterday I was writing you. Time is seriously like sped up here. I don't understand it. But I digress. This week was interesting enough I guess. I'll share some highlights. So Tuesday, we went to visit this lady who we were going to baptize on Saturday. She didn't go to church this past Sunday, so we were a wee bit confused. When we got there, she explained she didn't go to church because she went back to her old evangelical church for the first time in forever. She said she just had such a mind blowing experience there, that she felt as if it was the answer to whether she should be baptized in our church or not, the answer being no. I was super bummed, but the same time super confused. She told us she believes in our church, she believes in the book of Mormon, she believes that Joseph Smith was a prophet, but she just wants to stay in her own church because she had fun on Sunday with them. It doesn't add up haha. We explained a bunch of stuff and how she should apply the knowledge and testimony she now has, but it just like didn't click with her. Quite the bummer. Wednesday was kind of a dud because there was a US vs Honduras soccer game, which means we had to be in our house 2 hours earlier than normal so that the people didn't torture or kill us if we won, which we did. But nothing happened. Nothing every does, so it's kind of annoying to just have to go home, but alas, rules are rules. Thursday, our district leader and his companion came to our area so him and I could do divisions and have a lesson with the lady who backed out of baptism. We explained like a ton of stuff and the importance of what we were saying and what she knew. We talked for a longgggg time with her, invited her to pray, and told her we would come back after a while to let her think about everything. We will see what happens! Friday was pretty interesting. We had a dinner appointment at night, and the member lives right next to Doña Marta (that crazy yoga lady/old investigator) and I figured we could stop by and introduce Merlos. We went, and she was making baleadas and INSISTED that we have one. So we did, and then she gave us another plate of some other food. We were like craaaaap because we were going to go to our dinner appointment like 5 minutes later, completely full. We left, went next door to the member's house, and she gave us each a GIGANTIC plate of food. I legit could barely touch it because I was so full, and if I did, I would just be sick. I have learned that it is better to temporarily offend someone and not get sick than to just stomach everything and everything and risk losing a day of work from being sick. Sweet little Merlos hasn't learned that yet, so he forced the entire plate down like a champ. I just asked the lady if I could take it home, but he went all for it haha. We went home and he was notttt feeling good at all. We went to bed, but at about 3 am I hear a whimper from the bathroom saying "shuuuuugaaaaa....shuuuuugaaaaa". It woke me up, so I was super confused and out of it, but it finally clicked that it was Merlos, crying out to me from the bathroom. I get up and go check it out, and he is standing in front of the toilet, there is barf EVERYWHERE (because he didn't think to kneel down over the toilet instead of projectile vomiting everywhere), and he just looked like death. I was like awwww poor guy, but still way confused why he called me. I made sure he was alright, then asked him why exactly he called me. All he said was "I was scared." What? Seriously? He explained the next morning that he was scared he was going to pass out or something, and didn't want to just lay lifeless on the bathroom floor until I woke up, so that's why he called to wake me up. But all he said in the moment was "I was scared." and I just thought that was the funniest thing I had ever heard. I don't know why, but it just made me crack up at how weirdly pathetic it was. Like from what he had told me, what was I supposed to do if he was scared? Barf with him? Sing him a song while he vomits to calm him? It was seriously so weird, and I couldn't fall asleep for the longest time because I was just cracking up. That probably makes me sound like an insensitive monster, but it was hilarious haha. The part that isn't as funny is that he felt bad the next day too, so we couldn't do anything all day Saturday and had to stay in the house. I'm so sick of everyone getting sick around me haha (shout out to Breshears the Big Red Elder if you're reading this back in the ole US of A). Sunday, we had a pretty good turn out at church, so that was cool. We had to take it easy all day because Merlos was still recovering from his rough night of vomiting, but yeah. It was not fun. Being stuck in a house all day with someone who just sleeps and having nothing to do is NOT enjoyable, but I persevered. So yeah, that's pretty much it. It's been a great week here. Kind of. I guess haha. Stay classy!
Elder Shuga

BRESHEARS THE BIG RED ELDER, LOST IN THE MURDER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD

What Up World!

I feel like my emails are becoming less and less interesting the more I become accustomed to the Honduran way of life. Im basically a citizen here now, so it isnt as cool to talk about everything as it once was haha. Sometimes I think about my week and Im like "oh, thats pretty normal", but then I realized it wasnt at all, Im just used to it. But I digress, twas a good week. Elder Breshears was sick pretty much the entire week, so we just had to drop him off at a member's house and go on our way. We had some pretty sweet lessons this week if I do say so myself. For starters, there is this lady, Margot, I think I have talked about her, but she straight up told us she wants to be baptized, so that was awesome. We are preparing her for this coming August. Hopefully everything works out! We are working with this other family, familia Bonilla, which are like my favorite people right now. The mom and son are going to be baptized this coming week if all goes as planned, and it will be the bee's knees. They have been talking with missionaries since January, but no one could get them to commit. We had a huge lesson on faith and we pretty much laid down the line, and the mom has changed her outlook a ton. We are going to be over there like every day this week, and hopefully they will be baptized Saturday! Miracles miracles miracles. Cool story time. One day, we were walking to an investigators house to have a lesson, and we found this one 20 year old kid and his mom sitting at one of those raising arm things that block cars from going in. We talked to them for a little bit and they were SO interested in everything we had to say. We set a return appointment for them, and came back the next day. We went to the raising arm thing again, but only the son was there with some guy. We walk up and the guy looks like one of those crazies that you find every once in a while, but we start talking with him anyway. I asked him where he lived, and he went on an uninterrupted 15 minute tangent. It. Was. RIDICULOUS. This man talked about everything any one person could ever talk about. He talked about where he lived, America, politics, the economy, currency in Honduras, crime, sports, english, spanish, etc. EVERYTHING. Finally, we (Merlos, the new investigator kid, and I) were all just sitting there like half asleep, so I turned to the kid and started talking to him. I got to know him a little bit and started teaching him the first lesson, and committed him to baptism. THAT was easy haha. He was seriously so prepared to hear from us. He was asking ME what he had to do to be baptized, go on a mission, and do all this stuff that we dont even talk about until later down the road. Super sweet haha. The whole time I was teaching, Merlos was forced to listen to crazy man. We finally got up and walked away, and I was so stoked to tell Merlos the news. He just looked SO tired and told me that the guy had been talking the entire time still about witchcraft and a bunch of other stuff. Hilarious haha. Breshears went out for us for the first time on Saturday, and it was super weird. He was just so shellshocked that he was going home, and was acting so funny. I can only imagine how he feels. He is getting over his sickness, but for some reason his skin is like SO red. It is freaky. The doctor said it was the aftermath of his fever stuff and he is fine, but I am convinced he is being burned alive from the inside or something. I have been calling him Elder Hellboy and Breshears the Big Red Elder this week. I crack myself up. We had a pretty good turnout for church this week and all was well. This morning, we took Breshears to the office with all his bags because he leaves tomorrow early in the morning. I thought he was acting weird on Saturday, but that was nothing. He was seriously SO out of it today and it was cracking me up. But he made it alive and well for 2 years, so thats good. The mission office is in San Pedro, and after we dropped him off, we had to find our way back to the area. We were lost and asking directions until we found out where we needed to go, and I turned to Merlos and said "Do you realize we are walking around, lost, in the murder capital of the world?" and he is like "wow, thats pretty crazy" and I was like "yeah" and then we kept going. Im telling you, things that were crazy now are just normal life. My life is weird. Stay classy world!

Elder Shuga